bkdelong

Sally, my boss at ZOT Group is in Remission. I probably could have mentioned that she had Hodgkins. I don't know why I haven't talked about it really. Even though she set up a Weblog to discuss her diagnosis, treatment and eventual staving off of the disease, I chose to stay strangely quiet. Why? Possibly because I was the first person to know something was really wrong.

It's October 2nd, 2000 and I receive an email and request from Sally for a ride to a doctor's appointment at Mass General Hospital. Two things, mind you, that make me nervous - (1) Driving around Boston and pretending to know where I'm going and (2) Hospitals. I've never had a real big problem with hospitals. But like most people, I find them a very depressing place to be.

Kirky spent a lot of time in the hospital only a few months after we met - she had to get a hip replacement (another story, another time but suffice it to say it wasn't her first time. She had it replaced in 1989 after arthritis ate away the bone starting at the screw holes she had from broken bones of her childhood.). It was very painful, the doctor's screwed up her medication and gave her painkillers she is allergic to, and she was drugged up for a while. Not to mention the patience needed while she went from crutches to a cane.

Where was I? Oh yes. It was to be a relatively routine checkup. Sally had been coughing a lot and it was annoying. So I drove her to her appointment that afternoon and spent a lot of time waiting in the....you guessed it, waiting room, until she got in. I sat around reading and when she finally came out, she said we had to go to radiology for an X-Ray. After waiting a while in quite a depressing, dark room we headed back up to her doctor. Again, more waiting. This time she came out with a strange look in her eyes. I can't explain it really - maybe a twinge of fear, a dash of surprise and a smidgen of disbelief. She walked over to me and said "They're admitting me to the ER."

Now it was my turn to experience the aforementioned feelings. I was shocked. She explained that there was some lumpiness and because she had been on vacation in India for several weeks, they wanted to make sure it wasn't tuberculosis. Cancer never entered either of our minds. Well, I can only really speak for myself. So Sally and I headed down to the ER and we said our goodbyes as I went off to make some calls for her and send email while she shuffled off to the Emergency Room.

Almost a week later we learned it was Hodgkins. During the next few weeks she had me set up a note saying she was on medical leave and we adjusted work processes accordingly. After that I never really approached her about it except to ask "how are you doing?" But is was more of a greeting than anything else. Hell, I didn't know what to do or say. I think some part of me thought it was my fault or that in some weird way I could have changed fate by being with her at that doctor's appointment. Silliness, of course, but hey - my brain has a mind of its own.

Anyway, through her treatment I basically let the other team members offer to drive her to appointments, meetings and things. She couldn't drive while she was getting chemo and she often felt weak and tired. I distanced myself a lot until no one else could give her a ride and when I did, I stayed in my car and read while she was inside.

I never really thought about it or what I was doing. In reality I was probably emotionally buffering myself from the whole issue. It was really tough to see Sally ill and she really is an idol in my eyes, as well as a mentor and friend. Now that she's recovering or rather, that there's more concrete proof of her recovery, I guess I can let all this out. It feels good but more importantly I am both happy and relieved that someone I really care about is doing OK for the first time in a while.

Congratulations, Sally. Keep the good work.

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